Depressed

The scale was 150 this morning. And today was Halloween. One week until I go to DC, so 7 weeks since I started.

I am very depressed.

On my own

Sooooooo....5 days both on my own and on an expense account (for part of it). It showed, overall, that I am not quite ready. Sadly, I had time to do really, really well on my exercise.....yet also had plenty of access to free candy and dessert. (I was on the concierge floor...they brought me Oreos before bed for pete's sake!)

So....good in some cases and not good in others. I am learning a little....but need to work harder. Building on what I am learning...I will get there. Tomorrow will be another challenge......Halloween. Potluck at work and handing out candy. I hope we get lots of trick-o-treaters.

But I should not need to hope for that......I am getting better at containing myself....and the running is back.

Weight: 149
Exercise: 5 mile run (I started running again!)
Calories: 1550

HUGE challenge coming my way

Tonight: Dinner out with friends

Tomorrow: We leave for San Diego where we will spend the weekend, but then I will be there through Wednesday for a conference.

Challenge....not creep back into the 150s.

I have been holding at 148 every day...I do NOT NOT NOT want to go back up. There will be no food scale, no measuring cups, no internet to log into SparkPeople every day.

There will be a day at the zoo (walking!) and a gym at the hotel (hopefully....or I start running) plus I have never been to San Diego so I just want to walk around and see the place.

But I do view this as a test....have the changes I have been integrating really taken hold? Can I control my food intake when I don't have a visible calorie count?

I accpet this challenge, and hope to come out with flying colors!

Seeing is believing

Anyone else have those clothes you just know you are going to fit into 'some day'. I have several things in my closet....some I have never worn....because they were just a little small but I just knew I was going to lose the weight.

Well, this weekend I got into one of them...a pair of shorts I am embarrassed to admit I bought a year ago. Yup, that is how long it has taken me to get serious enough to actually make some visible changes. But it's a trend and let's hope it continues.

I did very well on my calories yesterday and have another 1500 calorie day planned for today, with a good weight workout and some extra long biking.

Not running has been HARD. I want to run. And yesterday I read and article that was a short interview with Jillian Michaels (my hero) and she said running is really the best calorie burn. So I want to get back at it to continue my success.....but I am trying to respect my body...and it's age, and remember that I need to do some resting if I want them to withstand the Ironman training.

Weight: 148
Exercise: 30 minutes weights, 9 miles biking (divided), 2 miles walking the dog
Calories: 1500

Dashing in.....

.....Today is my no-calorie-count day....but this morning I stepped on the scale and saw a number I have not seen in probably 2 years. And the last time I did see it I bet it was AFTER a workout, not first thing in the morning. I am so happy!

Weight: 147
Exercise: 20 minutes weights, 4 miles dog walking (and walking all over Halloween Horror Nights!)
Calories: No count day

Dare I say it?

This is the first full week I have been under 150 every day I have stepped on the scale. And the cool thing is, I have been stepping on it just as soon as I get up....unlike previous times I was under 150 and those weights were after a long water-burning run. I am admittedly excited.

I think success breeds success. Because today has been yet another good day for calories and I worked my butt off. And I think that might be literal. Perhaps it is my excitment coloring my perception, but I feel like I see a difference in some places in my body.

Not running has been hard. I know it is such a high calorie burn compared with the same amount of time in other exercises. But I feel good with my weight-lifting and my crazy walking. My legs are killing me today.

Weight: 149 ( I am so close to saying goodbye to 150s....the next time I want to see a 5 is when it's 145.)
Exercise: 2 mile walk to work, 30 minutes interval on the ellptical, 3 miles power walk home, 2 miles total with the dog.
Calories: Not 100% accurate, but it's about 1440.

The new me

The new me went to a company meeting today. The new me had one cookie. The old me would have had at LEAST one.

The new me went to bed last night at 8 because I was tired and I needed to get up early if I wanted to get a workout in today. The old me would have wanted to wait up to have a drink with my husband, would have said "I'll work out after work" and would have then been too tired.

Yesterday, the new me was exhausted at work, and ended up not working out, but kept my calories in check. The old me would have not beenn so good about keeping calories under control.

The new me got out of bed this morning, got in 3 miles of power walking and a great 25-minute weightlifting session -- the old me wanted to sleep for another hour.

The old me would have had steak tonight with my husband. The new me had a vegetarian dinner.

So....I did not weigh myself this morning and I am not sure if there is a new me with new numbers on the scale, but there is a new me mentally making better choices for my life. (The old me also would have run this morning since I was pressed for time, but the new me is giving my body a responsible break from running.)

Weight: Not sure, but it was 148 yesterday
Exercise: 3 miles power walking, 3 miles slightly fast walking, 25 minutes weights
Calories: 1450

My Food Issue

So here tonight, I come face-to-face with my food issues. I do hope blogging is going to get me through it!

Reader's digest version: I grew up in a house with a single mom trying to raise 2 kids on a Florida teacher's salary. Let's just say, there was not tons of extra food in our house. We didn't starve, but my mom worked a lot of extra jobs and we were on our own a lot with microwave pizza, hotdogs and Steakums (remember those?).

By contrast, my father was not struggling. There was a huge variety of food in the house and it was all good. (We never ate frozen pizza with him.) I was there at two keys times of the year...the summer...which means lots of fresh produce and BBQs and camping trips with smores....and Christmas...which goes without saying is an awesome time for great food.

Somewhere in my upbrining, I started to associate good food as something temporary. I was going to get it for 6 weeks over the summer and 2 weeks at Christmas and then it would go away. As a result, I got it in my head that I needed to have all I could stuff into myself...because it would go away. And it was not just "bad" foods. Fresh produce. A good steak on the grill. It was all just something I did not get at home...so I'd better eat it all.

Year's later...a full grown adult with a good job and plenty of money in my bank account...this remains an issue. There is an open bag of oreos....I'd better eat them....or they will go away. Never mind that if I wanted to I could afford to go to the store every single day and buy another bag of oreos....I just have this desperate need to eat. It's worse when it is something actually temporary....at a restaurant...a cruise buffet...something served at the office.

So here tonight, I have done very, very well on my calories for the day and for dinner I made something really healthy...and very tasty!!! And now I want more. I'm not hungry. And I have a baked good in the oven that is also in my calorie count for the day...but still I want more of the dinner I made.

I have to learn. It will be there tomorrow (for lunch!)...it will be there the next day. And when it does run out....I can make a new batch. I don't need it now.

I was very, very tired today. I did not sleep well last night. It was difficult to get myself to go to the gym. I was supposed to do a weight workout today....but I knew it would be lousy. So I did 30 minutes on the elliptical and it was actually a really good workout. I pushed myself pretty well. Combine with 4 miles of walking to and from work and 45 minutes of walking the dog...I am pretty happy with the day.

Weight: 148

Exercise: 30 minutes of intervals on the elliptical (including arms), 4 miles of walking fast, 45 minutes of walking the dog.

Calories: 1430

Seeing the changes

Friday sucked. Let me just say, my Friday's seem to suck. Work gets in the way. Now I had been allowing Friday to be my day off from working out....though I am admittedly not so great at taking days off. I know it is better for my body, but mentally I have this fear that any day I don't work out will be a back slide on the scale. But Thursday night I got a special delivery in the mail....the bridesmaid's dress I am wearing in March. It looked TERRIBLE on me. And I find nothing more motivating to wanting a good workout than trying on clothes and not liking what I see. So I was very disappointed as my lunch-hour came and went with no ability for me to get to the gym. However, my caloric intake for the day was very good.

Yesterday, the scale was a good number actually. I did cheat a little...I have been weighing myself first thing in the morning but after not working out on Friday, I did not think I wanted to get on the scale when I first got up. I walked for an hour and then did 2 Biggest Loser videos (40 minutes total) and I was feeling good, so I stepped on and was happy. Another small change I am making it not weighing myself every day. I know weight has natural fluctuations, but I do not do very well reminding myself of that on some of the higher-number days. Maybe 3-4 times per week....I think that will help me mentally.

But on a positive note, I think it had an impact on the food choices I made yesterday. Yesterday was my free calories day, so I am not sure what the totals were. But I know that I ate broccoli slaw before lunch and a low-fat smoothie for breakfast. I did have lunch at a bar watching a game...but I ordered the chicken sandwich, though I did have fries.

Today I walked the dog for 30 minutes and then power-walked for an hour. I have decided to take a short break from running. The Iron-man training program is going to be 36 weeks of increasing distance and I think it would be healthy for my knees to give them a break. Again, this is difficult for me because I know that running has one of the best calorie burns per hour. But I am trying to focus on weightlifting and other cardio. My walk today was up and down hills and I really did focus on making it cardio and not just a leisurely walk.

But I can see a little more definition in my arms and I can definitly see a difference in my food choices. For example, today at Costco they were giving out samples of chocolate candy, including my favorite. I took one peice and split it with Richard. (And I logged the calories...no cheating!) When I got home, I wanted a snack before dinner, I was going to have cheese and crackers. Instead, I literally put the crackers back in the pantry and cut an apple into thin slices for the measured one ounce of goat cheese.

Unfortunately, we are going out to dinner tonight, which makes exact measurements of food difficult, but I have lots of room in my calorie ceiling after logging everything else I have eaten today, and I think my new attitude toward portion size and trade-offs (ie, I can have 10 tortilla chips or I can have a glass of wine....not a hard choice) I am confident that I can enjoy dinner and not screw up my eating plan.

The ultimate goal is weightloss, it is true, but improving my food consumption is the only road to getting there and staying there, and I am very very happy to see changes in that arena.

SparkPeople is my friend

So today I expanded my SparkPeople use from just tracking my food to also including my workouts for the day. Writing things down really does have an impact. It's there, in your face. I could lie, I suppose, but I am come to understand how that is not going to hurt anyone but me. Even today, I have finished entering my stuff for the day...and am considering opening a bottle of wine. But I am up on my calorie limit for the day......and opening that wine is a bad, bad idea. And looking at my daily intake...helps...greatly.

Accountability. It's what I need a grip on.

It's days like these....

I wish I had more time in my schedule. I had a GREAT workout this morning, but it was only 30 minutes and I would have gone longer had I not had an early morning conference call. It was only 30 minutes, but it was 20 minutes of super-set weights and 10 minutes on the stair climber.

We had a team lunch out today, so I am unsure of my calories, but I am SO proud that I ate half my lunch (but all of the salad) and had a very small piece of cake. I have a vegetarian meal planned for dinner, so I feel comfortable that overall my calories will be in check today. Overall calories definitely important, but I am also just happy about an improvement in eating habits. Last night was the same. I had a friend over for dinner and I made stir-fry, and I had a very reasonable portion and did not feel stuffed at the end. I certainly hope this victory on the plate leads to victory on the scale!

Weight: 150
Exercise: 4-mile bike commute, 20 minute run with the dog, 20 minute walk with the dog, 20 minutes intense weightlifting, 10 minutes intense stair-climbing
Calories: not sure, but portion sizes are good!

Mindful eating

I went to a company-sponsored lunch today about "mindful eating". Sadly, I did not really learn anything I did not already know. The problem, I realize, is that knowing is only so useful. If you know it and ignore it.....how is that useful?

Today was a good day for food. Unfortunately, my workout was not as long or intense as I would have liked, but it was something...and I have a plan for an early morning. I feel good and I am focused and pushing hard.

Weight: 150
Physical Activity: 2 miles walking the dog, 5 miles bike commute, 20 minutes weights.
Calories: 1500

Set-backs and steps forward

Admittedly, I am not a parent. But some would say my dog is my baby. If parenting is worse than being an overly-protective dog owner, then it's a good thing children are not in my future. Vega was sick last week and Wednesday -Friday nights were a lot more stress than sleep. The result was no workout Thursday or Friday, and Saturday, Sunday and Monday had "better-than-nothing" workouts.

On the upside, the food intake, while not well-tracked, has been better. I made homemade pizza for lunch one day, but only had one peice of cheese and a salad. I was also designated driver when we went out Saturday night, so my alcohol consumption has been down. No desserts and hardly any white bread products have been in my diet. And today my dinner was a potato and vegetables. I only weighed myself Saturday (150) so I am not sure where I stand in weightloss, but I am pleased with some of the lifestyle choices I have made and hope they are indicative of a change in eating habits that I can stick with.

I am headed for bed very early tonight, and have plans for a good workout tomorrow, as well as a good meal plan.

Weight: Unsure
Physical Activity: 5-mile round trip bike commute, 35 minutes on the ellptical, 3 miles walking the dog.
Calories: 1500 (I think it is probably less than this, but I make homemade pizza and had the rest for lunch today and I had to guess how to enter that into Sparkpeople.

A new month

I did not want to post today. Posting would mean acknowledging that even though I have planned for a nice 1300-calorie day yesterday, including a birthday meal for a friend, that my friend got there, and by the time she left at midnight I had consumed an entire bottle of wine. By myself (she drank red, I drank a nice muscato). I had been doing well....last night was a step back.

Part of the problem is a new wine that I have found....Sutter Home muscato. In CA, it's about $4/bottle, it's sweet and it must not have much alcohol because I can drink an entire bottle without so much as a buzz. From that perspective it's a good thing....but it often does not make me realize just how much I am drinking....especially on nights when Richard is refilling my glass. I'm not blaming the wine, mind you, I know I need to learn far more restraint.

I did not weigh myself this morning. I would love to say that it was accidental, but what, precisely, is the point in lying here? I didn't step on the scale because I thought about that bottle of wine and I did not want to face the consequences.

But I flipped over the calendar this morning to October and took it as an opportunity to turn over a new leaf in a nice, fall metaphor. I have input my calories for the day and I am at 1206. I NEED to stick with the plan....even for no other reason than to prove to myself that I CAN.

No more weeknight drinking...and trying to cut down on the weekends since, if I am going to truly train for an Ironman....many early mornings are in my future and those don't happen when I am feeling the dehydration effects of a night filled with alcohol. Maybe I should treat it like being pregnant....the automatic designated driver for the next 10 months until the race. (Well, there's yet another reason for no breeding on my part!)

I have one month before I am signing up for the races...it needs to be a good month of weight loss and trying to find a training plan to follow. I also got some advice to up my weight training now, since it will help when I start going off for longer runs and bikes. That is difficult for me, since I can put on my iPod and do cardio for hours, but weight training just bores me to tears. Just one month....I can do it.

Weight: I cheated and did not look
Exercise: Walked 2 miles to work, will bike home and to the mail, 3 miles total of dog walking, weight workout in the gym.
Calories: 1206 (STICK TO THE PLAN!!!)